1. Do not stress about putting on five kilos on Christmas Day. It helps in deciding on New Year’s resolutions.

2. Paul Newman once said, “24-beers in a carton, 24-hours in day. Coincidence? I think not.” Paul was joking folks, just joking.

3. If friends and family beat you to all the lounges and beds after lunch, find the fattest of them and lie on them instead.

4. Shopping centres on Christmas Eve are not for the faint-hearted. Avoid at all costs.

5. The office Christmas party is littered with minefields and people carrying iPhones (with cameras). Be aware, very aware.

6. Over the fence is six and out, it’s one-hand off the roof and no bowling bouncers at the littlies.

7. If you wouldn’t wear it on Boxing Day, don’t wear it on Christmas Day. Have some pride.

8. No grumbling if you have to sit beside granny. She probably thinks you’re a bore too.

9. Even the biggest human stomach can only hold 3-kilos of prawns at a time.

10. A hand-made gift is never forgotten. Get whittling.

Merry Christmas everyone.